THERE you are!

If you attend any sort of social occasion and watch people entering the room, you will notice that most people fall into one of two categories. Those that walk in and communicate, “Here I am!” and those that walk in and communicate “There you are!”

The “Here I am people” are quite easy to spot as they are usually the ones doing most of the talking and very little of the eye contact. Their eyes tend to focus either on the middle distance or roam the room looking for someone more interesting/important to talk to (listen to them). If you make the grave mistake of asking them about their health, work, interests or whatever they will tell you at great length, never once noticing their listener’s glazed eyes or subtle body cues to escape. Somehow they have missed the simple rule of conversation: when there are 2 people conversing, each should do half the talking and half the listening.

 Take on the other hand the “There you are” people. The minute they see you, they give the impression their day has been made, that they want to hear all about your family, work or opinions and they have all day to listen, with rapt attention.  You feel an immediate friendship with these people from the moment you first meet and look forward to future encounters. If you ever find such a person, value them greatly by being a ‘there you are’ person as well, giving them the chance to do at least half the talking.

 Unfortunately, with the art of conversation dying and loneliness on the rise, the ‘here I am’s are rapidly on the increase. The sad thing for these people is that their chances of meaningful relationships dwindle with every verbose encounter. No-one wants to be around them.

When you are new to a town/group/church and trying to make new friends, 'there you are' people are pure sunshine.  It is not a pleasant experience to be a new person coming into an established social scene and finding yourself doing all the listening, or worse, totally ingored.

Churches often come under attack for being very unfriendly places for new people looking for a spiritual home. This shouldn't happen, but I don’t believe this situation is isolated to the church. Many Aussies are either shy or awkward in social settings and what may seem like rudeness may not be so. Nevertheless, if the church is to be a haven in a heartless world, we need to make a bigger effort in learning how to be ‘There you are’ people.

Bill Hybel’s book “Just Walk Across the Room” is a practical, easy read for would-be learners.