To Spank or not to Spank

There have been two articles in the paper this week regarding parental discipline, specifically, spanking, one article 'for', the other 'agin'.
I must say that every time I read an article that heaps guilt on parents who choose to use disciplinary spanking, I cringe. These articles nearly always use the words 'hitting', ‘walloping', beating’ and ‘violence’ to get their point across and inflict the most guilt on parents.
But that’s only a part of my cringe. From recent media features on parental discipline we know that 4 out of 5 parents spank their children. Frankly I think the figure is higher. During a very interesting discussion on discipline in my grade 5 class a few years ago I asked my students how many of them had been spanked. Every hand went up.
 To be clear, 4 out of 5 parents spank, but if asked if they believe in it, (especially in public), 9 out of 10 will say no, obviously not wanting to appear a ‘hitter’, beater’ or ‘walloper’. Here is where the tragedy occurs.
CHILD: strong–willed, defiant, active, challenges every request, doesn’t respond to reason….. (ie. normal)
MOTHER: tender- hearted, sleep-deprived, exhausted, frustrated, depressed, alone most of the day
INCIDENT: (usually everyday, all day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year). Child disobeys, hits, bites, breaks things, runs away, answers back,
RESULT: tender-hearted mother who doesn’t believe in spanking (because everyone will call her a violent child-beater) finally snaps and DOES beat the screaming child because she is dangerously angry and utterly frustrated. The very violence she hates and wants to avoid has happened.
It shouldn’t have to be this way.
Our mothers and grandmothers  have been trying to tell us for years that spanking is a legitimate and useful tool for curbing the naturally occurring defiant behaviour in every child. And it works, for both the parent and the child, especially for the little child whose language and reasoning skills are quite undeveloped. It works when it is done calmly and deliberately with the child’s training at heart, not the parent’s need to vent frustration.
Whether you believe in spanking or not, please read these SPANKING BOUNDARIES….just in case

1. Never spank in anger
2. Never more than 2 spanks
3. Never spank above the waist
4. Ensure the child understands why s/he is being punished (willful defiance)
5. Always demonstrate love and reassurance when the dust settles
6. Spanking should end by 6 or 7yrs of age

Beauty for Sale? or...

The River of Culture has its own set of values that determines how we live. Coming down from the 60’s , when the ‘new morality’ became vogue (or the old immorality), young women have been  told that

            “their true source of power depends on maximizing their beauty and sex appeal and marketing it to compete for acceptance and popularity.”

            Anyone watching young teenage girls in their school or social environment would have to admit that this value has been sold and bought utterly. The saddest part of this state of affairs is that only 13% of girls are reasonably happy with their size and shape, and only 2% think they are beautiful. What  becomes of the other 85%?

In his book “Bringing Up Girls”, James Dobson makes the case that a great majority of girls are getting caught up with self-hatred and depression because they cannot compete in the beauty stakes.

This makes me mad. Who gets to say who is and who isn’t beautiful?

We should be asking ourselves the question “Who is profiting from the unhappiness of our girls?”

The answer is obvious with a little thought:-   anyone who has a beauty product to sell.

            Eg. cosmetic and hair, clothing, beauty treatment companies; gyms; magazines; diet programs; jewelers; and of course, advertisers.

It’s time we leveled the playing field for the sake of our girls, and ladies, it’s up to us to take the lead.

1Peter 3 clearly sets out the Biblical culture of true beauty and it’s free and available to all.

‘Your adornment must not be merely external—braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; ⁴ but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God. 

I have many very attractive women among my acquaintances. They are the sort of women you just love to be around and whose friendship you greatly value. They have the inner beauty that Peter speaks about, and it definitely shines out to the outside in a way that makes them, well…. ‘beautiful’. I might add, they are all shapes, sizes, ages and personalities.

If we want to ‘sell’ this inner beauty to our girls in such a way that they want it, we first of all have to spell it out clearly, and then we have to live it out consistently.

Here is my attempt to spell it out…..

Inner beauty looks like…

• Eyes that sparkle and look at other people with genuine interest
• Lips that readily smile (closely linked with point 1)
• Grooming that is careful, clean and  fresh
• Clothing that is modest yet modern and doesn’t scream ‘look at me’ or “I’m available’
• Posture that reflects confidence and self-respect
• Good health that comes from proper rest, diet and exercise
• Conversation that is Intelligent and interesting and others-focused. 

Let’s live it out : Inner Beauty is CAPTIVATING