Mean Mothers and Nice Mothers

It has come to my attention recently that there are ‘mean mothers’ out there. I have actually met some of them myself. Ignoring all the ‘expert’ advice so readily available to be ‘nice’, mean mothers continue terrorising their children and depriving them of all the fun and excitement that would make their lives happy.

Let me list some of their dreadful deeds:

• ‘Mean mothers’ refuse to let their children have their own tv, computer OR mobile phone, turning deaf ears to the cry of social isolation that will, without doubt, follow. (They do allow their children to use the family equipment in the public areas and have as many books in their room as desired, but where’s the fun in that?!)

         'Nice mothers’ provide all of these so that their children won’t have to miss favourite programs, get behind in the latest game or miss important gossip on Facebook.    

• Mean mothers’ put healthy food in lunch boxes, like salad sandwiches, fruit, vege sticks and water. They obviously either don’t understand or don’t care that sugary, cellophane wrapped snacks are currency in the school yard, good for trading for all sorts of foods, favours and friendships.

‘Nice mothers’ let their children pack their own lunches from a selection of boxes, knowing that any food is better than none at all, and it’s against the school rules to swap food anyway…..isn’t it?!!

• ‘Mean mothers’ don’t believe everything their children say and have a nasty habit of checking doubtful information eg. “I don’t have any homework”;  “he started it”; “ I didn’t do anything to deserve this detention... the teacher hates me”; “we’re allowed to wear this to school”; and the old chestnut, “every other kid is allowed to have this/go there/ do this/ wear that…..”. (‘Mean mothers’ have annoying little sayings like “If every other kid jumped off a cliff, ………?”)

‘Nice mothers’ trust their children, always. Isn’t that what love is? 

• ‘Mean mothers’ don’t ask their small children what they would like to wear or eat, or if they would like to go here or there. They tell them, and don’t even bother to thank them when they cooperate. They believe choices come with emerging responsibility and maturity.

‘Nice mothers’ believe even little children have opinions and the right of veto. 

• ‘Mean mothers’ force their children to speak respectfully, all the time, no exceptions. Rudeness, name calling and back chatting bring swift, unpleasant consequences.

‘Nice mothers’ believe children have the right of self-expression and a little sassiness shows spirit and can be quite funny or cute, sometimes. 

To all the ‘mean mothers’ out there, setting clear boundaries and valiantly holding the line against all popular opinion and childish pressure, YOU’RE MY HERO. Don’t give in. Your children may not be perpetually ‘happy’ and entertained, but they will be strong, healthy, likable and most probably, successful. 

And to all the ‘nice mothers’ who secretly think the ‘mean mothers’ just might have it right, have a read of “Parenting Isn’t For Cowards” by James Dobson. It’s good old fashioned common sense advice.

Reading Stories -Teaching Values

There is something about a good story that appeals to all of us. We remember a clever plot or interesting characters years after the book has been returned to the shelf or passed on to a fellow reader.

When it comes to teaching children values and virtues, we need to find a means to embed those truths deeply into their hearts so they will ultimately live by them. As every parent and teacher knows, sermons and lectures bear very little fruit, but when we encase the lessons in good stories, we increase the absorption and the likelihood of action. (Now who was it that came up with that idea?)

As a parent and a teacher, I would choose my read-aloud books very carefully, depending on the values I wanted to discuss and encourage. For example:

Courage and kindness in adversity: ‘The Little Princess’

Bravery/ Redemption:                     ‘The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe’

The folly of pride:                           ‘The Emperor’s New Clothes’, (the word ‘naked’ is so deliciously naughty and the emperor’s shame so 'felt' that they will want to  hear this one over and over!!!)

Kindness to animals:                      ‘Black Beauty’ and ‘White Fang’

Survival and self-sufficiency:        ‘The Hatchet’

The power of love:                         ‘The Velveteen Rabbit’

How to live simply/contentedly:    ‘Little House on the Prairie’

Compassion:                                   ‘Goodnight Mr. Tom’

I think sometimes we underestimate a child’s ability to grasp meaning and enjoyment from these classic stories. I would often be surprised by the thoughts expressed after the day’s chapter, or by the way a boy would stand taller or dream more nobly after a heroic tale.

So ease up on the sermons. How much more fun is it to tell a boastful child, “Be careful you don’t get caught wearing the Emperor’s Clothes!!”

Reading to Children: 10 Good Reasons Why

 Many people look at you in horror when you suggest turning off the tv. For mums especially, tv is often a synonym for ‘sanity saver’.  When you can’t stand the noise another minute, put the tv on and you have instant peace!!! What mum doesn’t get that? And who would give that up?

However, as I’ve already said, the less the tv , the better the student. 

So, what to do if you take the plunge and employ the ‘off’ button?

First and foremost, read to your kids.

I would like to suggest ten good reasons why reading to kids is so wonderful.

1.  Reading aloud to children lengthens their attention span

2. It teaches them to listen carefully and focus on the speaker.
3. It improves vocabulary and understanding of language structure (grammar)
4. It ignites the imagination (as all the pictures are in their own head)
5. Modeling great expression and ‘fun voices’ teaches children how to read aloud well too
6. Reading well chosen books gives them an appetite to be independent readers
7. Reading to children before bed slows down their bodies, drains off the adrenalin and prepares them for sleep, often taking happy dreams with them.
8. Reading good books aloud can lead to good discussions afterwards (about plot, themes, values,  meaning of events and characters portrayed.)
9. It is just plain good fun watching children go wide-eyed with excitement when you read adventure, burst into giggles when they ‘catch’ clever humour or go all misty when the hero is hurt.
10. Well chosen stories are a very effective means of teaching values.

I could go on and on about no.10, but will save it for the next blog.

But for now, turn off the tv, get a library card, have a look at www.kidsread.com/lists  for lists of age-appropriate children’s classics, and get ready for making memories AND top students.

Do something for your child’s education…turn off the tv.

As I look back over my teaching life, I can see a common element in many of my best students: they had very limited access to television. Some had none at all, others only weekend access.

What did I see in these students that set them apart?

·         Their concentration was better and their attention span was longer.

·         They enjoyed being read to and were quicker to understand humour, meaning and mystery.

·         Their work habits were superior… attention to detail in written and artistic work was a delight to see.

·         They were self-motivated… I never heard them complain of boredom.

·         They were able to converse with adults more easily

                                                                                                                                                

·         They were more settled and content in themselves and were rarely disruptive in class

Now perhaps it could be said that other factors were at play in these children, so let me pass on a story I heard form a child psychologist some years ago:

          A worried father had come to her with  a son who had become totally uncontrollable. He was aggressive, disrespectful, disobedient and uncooperative. The father was suspecting some disorder to explain his child’s behavior and hoping for medical or therapeutic support to help with his control. Instead, the psychologist suggested a one month trial of total withdrawal from all television and computer use.

Reluctantly, the father took her advice and, even though the first week was nightmarish, he persisted. By the end of the month the boy was a different child. The aggression had gone, he was speaking respectfully to his parents and was calm, contented and cooperative.

The psychologist added “Unfortunately the father decided to reward his son at the end of the month by restoring all tv and computer privileges.. ….. and the aggressive child returned!!!”)

Do something for your child’s education…turn off the tv.