Having it all

The idea of a woman being able to ‘have it all’  has been around for some time and it amazes me that each new batch of young mums still seem to think it is actually possible.

If there was one thing I would say to every young woman attempting to balance the perfect marriage/ perfect children/ perfect career it’s this… don’t forget the ‘Law of Limitations’. Most of what we really need is limited, especially time and energy, …when it is used up, it is gone. No matter how clever, young, popular, beautiful or rich you are, you will not get more than 24 hours a day nor 7 days in a week. Ditto for the amount of energy you have from waking till sleep.

G.K. Chesterton said  “Every act of will is an act of self-limitation…., of self-sacrifice. When you choose anything, you reject everything else.

Eg. When we choose to marry, we reject all other men in our lives

When we choose to have children, we sacrifice freedom and independence and self-interest.

Of course, most of us gladly make these sacrifices because of the love, joy and fulfillment it brings. But, we all have THOSE DAYS when it seems the sacrifice is too great. Money gets tight, kids get fractious and their endless need for love and discipline is just so draining. The wait for rewards is just too long. (20 years) .

“I want more than this” we say, and “I have a right to seek fulfillment and a few extra comforts.” (not sure what right that is!!)

I have watched young mums returning to work for quite a few years now and read their stories on Facebook, in the media and watched on television. The stories are all so similar…”I AM SO TIRED!!!”. They have hit the ’law of limitations’, used up their energy and time,  and the rewards are just not there. If anything, they AND their family have lost their peace, contentment and joy for a pitiful amount of money. (which, by the way, is not the government’s problem nor responsibility)

So what is the answer?

Firstly, I actually DO believe it IS entirely possible to ‘have it all’, just NOT all at once.

Having a perfect marriage and family takes time and effort and sacrifice, lots of it, and if you scrimp on it you will be sorry. To make it work well, you need to “reject everything else” for a time. The length of that time depends on your energy levels and your family’s needs. If going back to work is stressing you, it’s too soon.

I went back to my career at age 40, when my kids were in high school, and we ALL thrived. I had 20 years to work and loved every single minute of it.

Secondly, I would be lying if I said I didn’t miss the challenge and stimulation of my career while raising my family. There are dozens of ways to satisfy that longing…I did it through voluntary work in the church (work that actually counted to my first employers). There are equally as many ways to stretch the family dollar.

Lastly, a wise older lady gave me some advice when I was younger that has stayed with me through the various chapters of my life: IN ACCEPTANCE IS PEACE

Whatever you believe is the right path to take, accept it’s limitations, devote yourself to it, and ‘reject everything else’.