Kids and Sex: The Good News

For most parents, the idea of talking to their kids about sex is about as much fun as dentistry . (paying for it!!). It’s one of those things you put off as long as possible, then opt out by saying “they probably already know more about it than I do.”

Unfortunately, this could be true if you look at the statistics :

Children Internet Pornography Statistics
Average age of first Internet exposure to pornography	11 years old
15-17 year olds having multiple hard-core exposures	80%
8-16 year olds having viewed porn online	90% (most while doing homework

Children are accessing pornography at horrific levels, gaining much of their ‘sex education’ from the internet, dvds and other unhealthy sources. Peer pressure to be involved in ‘sexting’ drives teens to early sexual discussion and activity, often unwanted, but ‘necessary’ for acceptance into the cool crowd. Ultimately, 46% of all high school students have engaged in sex, 75% of by end of year 12.

I have just finished an excellent book  called
“HOOKED: new science on how casual sex is affecting our children” by McIhaney and McKissic.

In it, the authors make the case that, for too long we have only looked at the two physical dangers of casual sex: sexually transmitted infections and pregnancy.
But there is a third risk, one that affects the hearts and minds of young people. They say that:

“Both boys and girls who have had sex are 3 times more likely to be depressed than their virgin friends. Girls are 3 times more likely to suicide and boys seven times more likely.”

They prove, using recent scientific research, that early sexual activity and multiple hook-ups and break-ups actually lead to “emotional and psychological problems, including damaged ability to develop healthy connectedness with others, including future spouses”. More sex; less love and intimacy. Or in other words, our kids are breaking their hearts. 

So what’s the good news?

The good news, according to the experts (whether it be the above book or the Woman’s Weekly (Mar 2012) is that your kids want to hear from you. Not just  ‘the talk’ but ongoing talks about values, choices and consequences, about waiting for the right ‘one’, about falling in love and soul mates and lifelong happiness. 

“Teens who are strong enough to avoid sexual involvement have 3 primary things in common:

• High levels of parent-family connectedness
• Parental disapproval of the teen becoming sexually active, and
• Parental disapproval of the teen using contraception".              (“Hooked”)

We so often underestimate the importance teens place on their parental relationship. They can be so prickly and distant at times that we mistakenly pull away, thinking that they don’t want us around. THEY DO.

Don’t give up, mums and dads, and don’t back down on what you know is important, vitally important.